[a collection of thoughts both spoken and written over the past few days...]
the sun is deceptive, the blue skies a tease. though the stage is set for spring, the warm temperatures have flown the coop. winter is arrogant; it's stealing the show. somewhere back in january it finally defeated its stage fright and now its quickly becoming dictator. like a stubborn child its stomping its feet - enjoying the spotlight far too much.
a mountain of muffins!
sundays are for resting. this (school) year i have set out to make sundays a true day of rest - no homework, no worrying about homework, nothing. sundays are for catching up with people, for calling home, for creating things and being. sundays are for singing and dancing, for playing music and making good food. sundays are for book clubs and tea. (ok, who am i kidding, every day is a day for tea.) sundays are for reading and writing, for knitting and sleeping. as i have set out on this journey, it's no wonder that God commands us to take a sabbath - to take a whole day to rest. now that i have begun, i can't imagine not doing it. taking a whole day off is so vital to my soul, to my well-being - to everything. it works wonders, my friends. after taking a whole day off on sunday i am a lot more refreshed to head into a new week - to start doing work again, and doing work well. (because i've learned something about myself this year - i strive to do things whole-heartedly, and if i can't do that, if i am fighting my attention span and simply "getting by" - if i am doing something half-heartedly, i would rather not do it at all. i don't know if that's good or bad, but regardless, that's what i'm finding.) taking a day to rest also reminds me that i cannot do life on my own. it forces me to trust God more.
you should try it. really.
yesterday John David and i talked about this transitory life. i lamented about how i long for a state of constancy - to be in a place for 12 months out of the year, to not have to uproot and leave every time i really start to love a place. . . he spoke of life consistently being poured through our hands - like sand. or perhaps like snowflakes, then leaves, then rain...as badly as we want to hold on to one single snowflake we mustn't. for not only will it melt, but our clenched fists will also cause all of the other unique and beautiful snowflakes to bounce off of our hands, missed opportunities. we must learn that life is constantly changing, constantly sifting through our hands - and we must learn to embrace that process. knowing full-well that our longings for the constant will one day be fulfilled... but for now,
like sun beams we shine on and into the lives of others - the beam matters not, only the source, the sun. being known or remembered must not be our goal. only Christ. we send little rays of sunshine, little snowflakes into the lives of others, but we must know they are fleeting. we are vessels carrying a message dearer than the world can understand. we are vessels- not the heroes, not the healers. we are rays- not the fire burning passionately for the world. we are whispers in a sea shouting of the world to come.
"We cannot tell it because it is a desire for something that has never actually appeared in our experience. We cannot hide it because our experience is constantly suggesting it, and we betray ourselves like lovers at the mention of a name. Our commonest expedient is to call it beauty and behave as if that had settled the matter...The books or the music in which we thought the beauty was located will betray us if we trust to them; it was not in them, it only came through them, and what came through them was longing. These things- the beauty, the memory or our own past- are good images of what we really desire; but if they are mistaken for the thing itself they turn into dumb idols, breaking the hearts of their worshippers. For they are not the thing itself; they are only the scent of a flower we have not found, the echo of a tune we have not heard, news from a country we have never yet visited."
The Weight of Glory
*the title refers to a band name. all credit goes to the one and only hannah jeane becker. on friday afternoon some friends and i played at our "sophomore sunshine party." it was a a hilarious blast. the name we played under? "i guess this is dubai." it was really funny, and really really enjoyable. and what's even more hilarious is that we might be "opening" for another (really really small) music performance happening next month. hahahahaha. i played my cello a bit, but mostly just sang and played the tambourine occasionally.